


Comfort

by chartreuseblueandyellow



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chartreuseblueandyellow/pseuds/chartreuseblueandyellow
Summary: On the screen, Matty watched as Riley walked in the lab and, unlike the other two, didn't even try to talk to Mac. She picked up a chair on her way to the table, put it down next to him, picked up another screwdriver and started working on whatever Mac was doing.Matty felt some hope blossom in her chest. Somehow, she felt that Riley would be able to get through to him.
Relationships: Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver - Relationship
Comments: 67
Kudos: 237





	1. Matty

**Author's Note:**

> It's angsty.  
> It's set after his aunt died and, in my opinion, we didn't get enough angst then so we’re getting it now. Also, as everyone knows, I'm a huge macriley shipper so y’all are getting some of that too.  
> I don't think Mac would have “normal” ways of dealing with his grief so I think this is how he'd react.  
> Anyways, I always love hearing what you guys think so please let me know :)  
> Enjoy!

Matty was sitting in the war room alone, going over some reports, when she heard a hesitant knock on the door. It opened to reveal Priya, one of the technicians, who was fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve.  
"Everything okay Priya?"  
She cleared her throat.  
"I'm fine but uh… I don't think Macgyver is."  
This wasn't what Matty was expecting her to say so she closed her laptop and gave Priya her full attention.

"What makes you say that?"  
She rambled a bit while talking, as if not quite comfortable ratting out a co-worker.  
"Well everyone's heard that Macgyver's dad died and just last week his aunt as well so obviously there's that and, I don't know him well, but I feel like I should let someone know what he's doing, because it's not the healthiest coping technique -"  
"Just tell me what he's doing Priya."  
She took a breath.  
"Well, I'm always the last to lock up the lab and since the day his aunt died, Macgyver has been staying in the lab working on stuff till really late so he always ends up locking up instead, and after a few days I was a bit worried so I checked the cameras, and he's been staying at the lab till like 3am every night." 

Matty was worried something like this might happen.  
Sure Mac was devastated when his father had died, but he hadn't reacted as much as anyone else in that situation would've.  
When Matty had sat him down and asked him how he was, he had assured her that while he was feeling all the pain and sorrow, he hadn't known his father for most his life so wasn't as affected as people would usually be in his position.  
And then when his aunt died and she talked with him again, he had pretty much said the exact same thing; sure she was family, and he was grieving, but he hadn't even known she existed until recently.  
She hadn't said more then, but kept her eye on him.  
Mac could pretend he was fine but Matty knew that somehow, sometime, the fact that he wasn't would show.  
Like now. 

A hesitant voice broke her thoughts.  
"Matty?"  
She looked at Priya, at the clock on the wall which read 11pm, and back to her.  
"Is he there now?"  
She nodded.  
"Yup. I would usually lock up but he's there and, now that he's done this almost a week in a row, I figured I should let someone know."  
"I'm glad that you did Priya."  
The younger woman gave her a small smile and, after considering what to do about this situation, Matty said to her, "you can go home, I'll talk to him."  
Priya nodded and, after thanking her, left. 

Matty pushed open the door to the lab and noted that Mac didn't bother looking up from whatever broken machine he was working on. Only when he sensed her presence next to him did he give her his attention. He looked slightly surprised to see her, especially since they'd both have usually left at this time.  
“Everything okay Matty?”  
“I think I should be asking _you_ that blondie.”  
He pretended to act confused at that.  
“I'm fine, though I don't know why you think I wouldn't be.”  
“You're fine are you?”  
He nodded.  
“Just like you've been fine this past week, staying here till 3am every night?”

He huffed and rolled his eyes.  
“Priya tell on me?”  
Matty frowned at him.  
“She was concerned, and rightly so Mac.”  
He just rolled his eyes, apparently not wanting her or Priya’s concern and turned back to his work. Not letting him back out of this conversation, Matty put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and, though he didn't look at her while she was speaking, Matty could tell he was listening.  
“You've lost both your father and aunt in a short time and I _can't imagine_ what that's like. I know you've told me that you weren't that close with either of them, especially your aunt, but no matter what happened in the past, they were your _family_ and you're allowed to feel sorrow and pain and grief. No matter how close you were with them.”

Mac completely stopped moving by the end of her speech and when he didn't reply when she was done, Matty was worried that he would ignore her till she left. Thankfully, that didn't happen. His voice just a whisper, he replied to her with his gaze still on his hands.  
“I just need for my mind to be on something else.”  
Matty felt her heart almost break at this brave man sounding so scared and unsure.  
Stepping closer to him she replied in a soft voice.  
“I get that Mac, I promise I do, but you can't just ignore everything you're feeling,” and rubbing his back comfortingly, added, “and you need some sleep too.”  
He nodded and fiddled with the parts in front of him.  
“I know, but… I can't really get my mind to shut off right now,” and dropping his voice to a whisper, added, “sleep is… hard.”  
“I get that Mac.”  
Taking a breath, Matty shared something with him that she hadn't with anyone else.  
“When I can't sleep, whether it be a case or… more commonly, nightmares… I loudly play classical music on the speakers so it feels like the sound fills my entire bedroom.”

Matty had to smile as Mac finally turned to face her with a slightly bewildered look.  
“... Why?”  
“I find that it fills my brain so I can't think of anything else and, after a while, because it's just classical music in my head and no longer my own thoughts, I can fall asleep.”  
Mac gave a small chuckle.  
“That's… strange,” he shrugged, “but I guess if it works...”  
She laughed and patted his shoulder before removing her hand.  
“It is strange, trust me I know, but it works for me and I'd appreciate it if you'd give it a shot too.”  
He didn't answer but she could tell she had finally gotten through the facade he had when she first entered the lab. She looked him in the eye.  
“Go home and get some sleep Mac.”  
He paused.  
“I'll finish this one part and then I'll go.”  
Matty knew she couldn't force him to leave, he'd have to make that choice himself, so she nodded, gave him one last pat, then left the lab. 

The next evening, Riley, Bozer and Desi walked into the war room and when Matty glossed over to windows to give them privacy, Bozer looked confused.  
"Where's Mac?"  
"This is about him."  
Both Desi and Bozer looked concerned but Riley thought about it for a moment before saying, "this is about him not sleeping right?"  
That seemed like news to the other two but Matty, quite frankly, was shocked that Riley knew about Mac being in the lab till the early hours of the morning but not saying anything about it.  
"You knew?"  
Shaking her head, Riley said, "I don't know the specifics but I can just tell he's not getting enough sleep. I've tried talking to him a few times about it but he just brushes me off."  
Matty shook her head. Figures that Mac was keeping everything bottled up again.  
Desi seemed slightly guilty that she hadn't figured it out for herself.  
"I could tell he had something on his mind but, given everything that happened these past few weeks, I thought it was fair."  
She paused for a moment, cleared her throat, and added, "Mac and I broke up so I can't really tell if he's sleeping okay or not anymore."

No one seemed surprised that they broke up. Matty supposed that Mac had told Riley and Bozer, and Matty could simply observe her agents to come to the conclusion they were no longer in a relationship. It was confirmed however, as she overheard Bozer and Riley whispering about it one day; how they should've broken up a long time ago but after the event of his aunt's death, he finally did.

Bozer spoke up, "how do you know, Matty?"  
"One of the technicians told me that, for the past week, Mac has been staying in the lab till 3am, and she was worried about him."  
Desi and Bozer looked shocked and worried at this news but Riley, while also worried, was shaking her head as if she wasn't surprised at how he was dealing with his sorrow.  
Matty continued.  
"Last night I tried talking to him. I pushed as much as I could while still being gentle but, when I came in this morning to check what time he left last night, I saw nothing had changed."  
She put up the current camera feed from the lab where Mac was working away.  
"He's there again now."

"How do we help Matty?"  
She fixed her gaze on Desi. She knew they had recently broken up but also knew Desi, though she wasn't the best at showing it at times, still cared about Mac's wellbeing.  
"Go try talk to him."  
Desi nodded, glanced hesitantly at the feed of Mac working, and left the room.  
Matty watched on the feed as Desi walked into the lab and stood by Mac's side.  
There was no sound so, while she could tell Desi was talking, she didn't know what was being said.  
The camera showed a side view of Desi’s face and only Mac’s back but Matty could see that, even though Desi had been talking to him for a few minutes, he still hadn't looked up at her.  
Desi, with an almost pleasing look, put a hand on his shoulder and at that he finally met her gaze. His face was pretty blank.  
She said something but he shook his head and went back to what he was doing and, after staring at him with a small frown for a few moments, Desi left the room. 

The door to the war room opened and they all faced a worried Desi.  
"I can't convince him to leave."  
Matty assured her it was okay, she knew how stubborn Mac could be, and turned to Bozer.  
"Try to talk to him."  
He grimly nodded and made his way out. Bozer had been there for Mac when his mother died and father disappeared so Matty hoped that he'd be able to try and get through to Mac now.  
Bozer entered the lab and immediately went to Mac’s side, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Unfortunately, other than that, Bozer’s attempt turned out very similar to Desi’s.  
Bozer talked, Mac didn't, and after a minute or two of only the former talking and the latter saying a word or two and shaking his head, Bozer stared at Mac with a sad look before giving his best friend a reassuring pat on the back and leaving.  
Bozer walked in looking defeated so she gave him a small smile before turning to the one person left.  
“Riley?”  
The younger woman stared at the camera feed for a while, as if studying it. A few moments of silence passed and Matty was about to call Riley again when she turned to her, nodded, then walked out the room. 

On the screen, Matty watched as Riley walked in the lab and, unlike the other two, didn't even try to talk to Mac. She picked up a chair on her way to the table, put it down next to him, picked up another screwdriver and started working on whatever Mac was doing.  
Matty felt some hope blossom in her chest. Somehow, she felt that Riley would be able to get through to him.  
The door opening again hadn't made Mac look up but this finally did. Matty watched as Mac, movements stilled, just stared at Riley who didn't return the glance, instead kept her eyes steadfast on what she was doing. It was only a few moments later he seemed to accept her presence and went back to his work.  
Apparently happy with his response, Riley inched her chair closer to Mac so she sat shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh with him. Mac paused but after a second Matty could see some of the tension leave his body and, as he continued working silently with Riley at his side, she had to hold in a smile.  
Matty glanced behind her and saw Desi and Bozer intently watching the screen, the latter with a hint of a smile on his face.

Matty knew this was going to work. Even though it would be completely hypocritical, she knew Mac wouldn't let Riley work till late just because he was and she also knew Riley wouldn't leave until _he_ did. They were at an impasse but Matty had a feeling Riley would win this round.  
With a hint of a smile she turned to Desi and Bozer.  
“Riley’s got this. You guys can head home.”  
Bozer nodded and headed towards the door while Desi’s gaze seemed to stay fixed on the screen for a while longer.  
Matty knew it must hurt that she wasn't able to get through to Mac but, at the moment, Matty was more concerned about Mac's mental state than Desi’s ego.  
She wasn't, however, going to make her sit and watch her recently ex boyfriend be comforted by someone else, so in a soft voice said, “go get some rest Desi.”  
Moving her eyes from the screen, Desi looked at her and, seeming to understand the reasoning behind it, nodded and followed Bozer out the door. 

Having the war room to herself, Matty sat back down and looked at the screen again. Mac and Riley were still silently working away so she let herself think about their dynamic.  
From the current team, Mac and Riley had been through the most together. Sure Bozer had known Mac for most of his life but Riley had been part of the team first and Matty was sure she knew more about everything Mac had gone through than Bozer did.  
When she needed a pair for a mission, Matty’s first choice was always Mac and Riley. In addition to being great agents, they were quick on their feet, worked great as a team and just seemed to get each other like no one else did.  
Matty supposed that was why Riley was the only one who seemed to get a response out of Mac. 

Half an hour had passed since Riley had walked in and the two of them were still silently working away.  
Matty had every faith in Riley but she was still going to stay here until she knew for sure Mac was leaving. Her agents were almost like her children and she wanted to be completely sure Mac would be okay.  
Movement on the screen distracted her from her thoughts and Matty watched as Riley yawned.  
Mac said something to her and judging by the sharp look Riley sent him, it was something along the lines of telling her to go home.  
Things were about to get interesting.  
Riley replied to him, gave him another hard glare and turned back to her work. Mac stared at her for a while before doing the same.  
Or maybe not. 

With the almost overhead view however, Matty could see that Mac slowly stopped what he was doing and said something.  
Matty didn't know what it was but it must've been something genuine about what he was feeling because Riley immediately dropped what she was doing and reached out to hold Mac’s hands in hers.  
Some more words were said and after a small conversation Riley stood up and Matty felt relieved. She knew the only way Riley would be leaving was if Mac was going with her.  
Mac slowly spun to face her in his chair but instead of standing up, he kept his head down and Matty could tell by the movement of his face he mumbled something to Riley.  
It must've really been a momentous admission because, panicked grief on her face, Riley immediately rushed forward and pulled Mac into a hug. Because he was sitting and she was standing, Riley had one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his hair. She rested her chin on Mac’s head and he hugged her waist.  
Matty felt her heart clench at the grief he must be feeling and watched helplessly as Riley seemed to whisper comforting assurances to Mac. 

After a few seconds, Matty saw as Mac’s body began to shake and she watched, tears in her own eyes, as Mac let his guard down and began to sob, held tightly in Riley’s embrace.  
Mac, who was such a genuine and beautiful human being, who cared more for others than he did himself, and someone who just wanted what was best for everybody, did _not_ deserve all the hurt and pain he seemed to face at every corner of his life. After constantly bottling it all up, it seemed as if he was finally allowing himself to feel it.  
Through her tears, Matty watched as Riley, who was crying as well, pressed her lips against Mac’s hair and held him even tighter.  
Matty turned off the screen, letting them have their moment in private.  
She wiped her tears and packed up her laptop, finally ready to head home.  
Tomorrow when they all came in, she would have a genuine, one on one, conversation with Mac about how to manage his grief but, for now, Matty knew that Riley would take care of him.


	2. Riley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s from Riley’s pov so y’all will finally know what was said.  
> Also Riley doesn't live with Mac (I don't know where she lives but for the sake of this fic, not at Mac’s cuz otherwise she would've known and done something so this fic wouldn’t happen).  
> We’ve never seen anything like this on the show so I'm slightly worried it's not completely in character so please let me know.  
> Anyways, I hope you guys like it, enjoy :)

Matty called her, Desi and Bozer into the war room and when the latter asked where Mac was, Matty replied that this meeting was about him.  
Desi and Bozer seemed concerned but, after what she had observed and conversations she'd tried to have with Mac this week, Riley felt she knew why Matty was having this intervention.  
“This is about him not sleeping right?”

“You knew?”

Matty sounded slightly alarmed and it seemed like she knew more about what was going on with Mac, so Riley quickly shook her head.  
“I don't know the specifics but I can just tell he's not getting enough sleep. I've tried talking to him a few times about it but he just brushes me off."

Matty shook her head, as if not surprised by Mac’s actions and Riley turned to Desi who admitted that she didn't know what Mac’s sleeping habits looked like now that they'd broken up.  
Mac had admitted as much to her and Bozer last week. He hadn't elaborated further but, if she were being honest, she and Bozer weren't really surprised at that. Riley curiously noted that Matty didn't seem surprised by Desi’s statement either. Figures she already knew somehow. 

Bozer asked Matty how she knew about Mac’s late night habits.  
“One of the technicians told me that, for the past week, Mac has been staying in the lab till 3am, and she was worried about him."  
Riley shook her head. She was definitely worried about Mac but by no means was she surprised that, instead of dealing with all that had happened, he was diving deep into work. She knew it was so he could keep his mind off things but it wasn’t a healthy coping technique. 

“Last night I tried talking to him. I pushed as much as I could while still being gentle but, this morning when I checked what time he left last night, I saw nothing had changed,” and putting the lab camera feed on the big screen, Matty added, “he's there again now.”  
And sure enough, there on the screen was Mac working away on whatever broken machine he had found. 

"How do we help Matty?"  
Everyone turned to Desi and Matty told her to go try and talk to Mac, so, after looking at the screen, she left. 

Riley respected Desi and was in awe of her skills, but was hesitant about her trying to talk to and console Mac. Desi wasn't really a gentle talker and Riley knew that that was what Mac needed right now.  
Nevertheless she watched as Desi walked into the lab and tried to talk to Mac.  
She couldn't get a response and finally, from her expression, pleaded with him at which he turned to her. Riley was surprised by how emotionless his face was. She knew he wanted to be by himself in his sorrow so guessed that he wasn't pleased at the interruption.  
Riley grimly chuckled to herself.  
Well, he wasn't going to like Matty’s plan of sending them in one by one. 

Admitting defeat, Desi walked back in the war room.  
“I can't convince him to leave.”  
Matty assured her it was okay then asked Bozer to try, who nodded and walked out.  
Bozer walked into the lab and put a comforting hand on Mac’s shoulder.  
Riley had higher hopes for him because he had known Mac for much longer but, unfortunately, her hopes weren't long lived. Mac only said a few words to Bozer and after sometime, the latter gave Mac one last reassuring pat on the back before leaving. 

He entered the war room looking disheartened and Matty gave him a small smile before turning to her.  
“Riley?”

She studied the screen for a moment.  
Mac was breaking apart a really old radio, she had no idea where it came from, and was fixing it with new parts so it would work.  
She knew Mac was probably annoyed by Desi and Bozer coming in and guessed that he had probably figured out that it was Matty’s doing.  
Coming up with a plan so Mac wouldn't brush her off like he did the others, she nodded at Matty and left the room. 

Mac didn't look up as she entered but she wasn't worried. Grabbing a chair as she made her way over to him, she sat down, grabbed a screwdriver and started unscrewing a part of the radio.  
She felt Mac finally look up and fix his gaze on her but, pretending that she couldn't feel it, took off the part she was working on and started on another piece.  
It was only then that Mac, seeming to be okay with her being there, turned back to working on the radio and Riley felt hope soar within her.  
In the state Mac was in, he wouldn't speak, so that action alone was basically an invitation for her to stay with him. 

She wasn't going to talk to Mac, that was what the other two had done and it hadn't worked, but she still wanted to give him a sign that she was here for him whenever he was ready to talk.  
Inching her chair closer to him, she sat so her arms and legs were touching his, providing silent physical support.  
Mac paused and for a second Riley was worried she had ruined whatever mutual understanding they had in the moment.  
After a second however, Riley felt some of the tension leave his body and, neither of them acknowledging it, they both continued silently working on the radio. 

The minutes passed and she wasn't sure how long she and Mac had been working. They had taken off all the old parts that didn't work and had just started replacing them.  
Riley had gotten up early this morning to do some work for Matty, so she was really feeling how late it was.  
She tried to stifle a yawn and felt Mac’s eyes on her.  
“You should go home and get some sleep.”

Riley turned and gave him a sharp look.  
“I'll go home when you go home.”  
He started to argue back but at her unblinking stare, daring him to argue, he faltered and said nothing.  
She muttered, “smart choice” and went back to working on the radio. 

Riley felt his gaze on her for a few moments before he too started working again. Out of the corner of her eye however, Riley realised that his movements were getting slower and slower and after a minute or two he spoke, keeping his gaze on his hands. His voice was almost a whisper.  
“I just need to get out of my head Riles.”

Immediately dropping what she was holding, she grabbed both his hands in hers, holding tightly. The fragility of his voice almost broke her.  
“I get that Mac, I get that it's hard to be alone with your thoughts right now, but I know that _you know_ that ignoring everything is _not_ the best way to deal with it.”

His eyes on their joined hands rather than her face, he admitted in a defeated voice, “yeah I know.”

She squeezed his hands and in a gentle voice said, “let's just go home okay?”  
He gave a small nod and as she stood, ready to go, he turned in his chair slightly to face her. Instead of getting up like she expected him to, he kept his head down and, in the stillness of the empty lab, whispered in a voice filled with pain. 

“I have no more family left.”

Riley's heart _broke_ at that admission and she rushed to pull him into a hug. He buried his face into her chest and wrapped his arms around her, clutching her waist so tightly, she could feel the pressure of his hands digging into her. She held him back, just as firm.  
On the verge of tears, Riley rested her chin on his head and whispered, “I'm _so so_ sorry Mac.”

She felt him choke back a sob so started stroking his hair trying to comfort him and at that she felt his entire body shake.  
And as Mac, one of the most important people in her life, started sobbing his heart out in her embrace, Riley started crying as well.  
She held him even tighter against her and, as he buried his face deeper into her body, she pressed her lips against the top of his head. 

He was finally letting himself feel everything he had kept bottled up and, while she couldn't take the pain away from him, no matter how much she wanted to, she could hold him tight and let him know he was safe while he felt it all.  
Riley whispered the words _‘I'm so sorry’_ and _‘I've got you’_ over and over to him and, though she wasn't sure he could hear it, her voice muffled by his hair and her own crying, Riley was sure Mac felt the love and support in them. 

She didn't know how long they stayed like that but after some time, even though his crying eased up and his breaths slowed down, neither of them moved.  
It was some time later that Riley felt Mac getting ready to pull away and she eased her grip on him. They didn't move far however, Riley had her hands on Mac’s shoulders and his were still loosely around her waist. His eyes were red and swollen and she had no doubt that hers looked the same. 

Slowly moving her hands up down his shoulders she spoke, her voice raspy from crying.  
“Let's go home Mac.”  
He nodded and after running her hands down his arms and reassuringly squeezing his hands, she let go. 

Riley knew that losing it completely in front of someone else, even if it was just her, was hard for Mac so she gave him space to compose himself and turned to wipe her tears. From the corner of her eye, she could see him doing the same but after a few seconds he turned off the light at the desk and they headed out.  
Mac wasn’t usually a touchy-feely person but in this moment, even though he wouldn't ask, Riley had a feeling he wanted some physical touch.  
As they walked out of the lab she reached out and held his hand, providing reassurance that she was there with him and for him.  
She knew she had made the right call because, even though he said nothing, he held her hand back even tighter. 

They got to the carpark and it was only then, when she saw that everyone else's cars had gone, that Riley remembered they had all been watching on the screen.  
The garage felt cold so she could tell that they left some time ago though she wasn't sure when, and what they last saw. She didn't mind if they saw her comforting Mac but she knew that _no way_ would he like knowing he could've been vulnerable in front of them all.  
Riley had a feeling however, that Matty wouldn't let anyone watch while Mac broke down so she felt safe in the knowledge that Mac hadn't let his guard down with everyone watching. 

He took his keys out of his pocket and silently handed them to her and, giving his hand one last squeeze, she climbed into the driver's seat while he climbed into the passenger's.  
The first few minutes of the drive were made in silence but after a while Riley spoke quietly, so she didn't break the stillness that had settled in the car.  
“It's not the same thing, _I know it's not_ , but me, Bozer, Matty and Desi are your family too and we’ve got you,” and reaching out and grabbing Mac’s hand added, “ _I've_ got you.” 

He squeezed her hand and, clearing his throat, whispered, “I know you do Riles.”  
His voice was also raspy from crying but she could hear the sincerity in his words so squeezed back and drove the rest of the way to Mac’s house with one hand. 

They arrived and after Riley asked him if he was hungry and got a wordless shake of the head in reply, she walked with him to his room and stood in the doorway as he sat on his bed and started taking off his shoes.  
Riley wasn't sure what to do next.  
She definitely didn't want to leave him alone, for his sake and for her’s, but she also didn't want to overstay her welcome and make it seem as if she were overcrowding him.  
She hesitantly spoke up, hoping he would feel the same.  
“I can go now if you -”

“Please don't leave.”

She immediately nodded and walked into the room.  
“I'm never leaving you Mac.”

He mustered up a half smile but it faltered as he quietly admitted, “I just need some sleep.”

Her heart broke again at the rawness of his voice and, now that she was taking a good look into his eyes, she could see just how bone tired and exhausted he was.  
She nodded and Mac lay down under the covers, leaving space for her, as she bent down to take off her shoes and socks.  
After turning the lights off, she got under the covers as well and half sat up, half lay down, propped up on his pillows. Mac moved so he was on his side facing her and his head was against her thigh, as if reassuring himself that he wasn't alone.  
She put her hand on his head and gently swept her thumb across his hair. 

In the darkness of the room Riley found herself going over everything that had happened, but apparently Mac had started doing the same because in the stillness, she could hear and feel Mac’s breaths start to speed up and she was worried he was going to cry again.  
Riley wondered what else she should do to comfort him but it turned out she didn't have to do anything.  
Using her stomach as a pillow, Mac re-oriented himself so he was practically lying on her and, wrapping his arms around her, buried his face once again into her body. 

Riley felt tears come into her eyes again.  
It was _completely_ unfair how much this kind, strong and generous man suffered throughout his life, but she was glad that he trusted her enough to fully let his guard down with her and allow her to comfort him when he was feeling most vulnerable.  
Wrapping one hand around his back, she used the other to run her fingers through his hair.  
It was only, some time later, when she felt the tension leave his body and his breathing even out, that Riley fell asleep as well.


	3. Mac

Mac was spending another night in the lab.  
He knew it wasn't healthy but the only person he'd ever admit that to was himself.  
In the past week, he'd gotten many concerned looks and attempts to engage in conversation but he'd brushed them all off. 

One of those was Riley who, a few days after his aunt's death, cornered him and asked about him not sleeping enough. Mac had been surprised at that. 

He thought he hid it well because, while everyone else knew he had a lot of shit going on, Riley was the only one who seemed to realise that he wasn't getting enough sleep.  
He had quickly gotten over his surprise however and brushed her off because Mac knew that if he started talking to her about it, then all the reasons he couldn't sleep would come out and he just was _not_ ready to relive them. 

Mac was glad that the one person who knew about him working in the lab till late was someone he wasn't close with. The first night, Priya was getting ready to lock up so Mac had told her he'd do it for her and, since then, though they'd had no more conversation, he could feel her gaze on him from time to time.  
He was glad she didn't try to talk to him, he was _not_ in the mood for small talk and pleasantries but, clearly, Priya had talked to Matty because she had come in to talk to him the night before. 

Mac had listened and allowed himself to be slightly open with her but, while he appreciated her sleeping technique, something he was sure Matty didn't tell a lot of people, he wasn't ready to be alone with his thoughts so didn't leave early. 

Usually there'd be a handful of techs in the lab and as the afternoon turned to evening, they'd slowly leave until he was the only one there. Currently it was just him and he was glad to have the place to himself. 

After finishing the project he had started the night before, Mac found an old and forgotten radio in the back of some cupboard and had been working on taking it apart for an hour or so until he was surprised to hear the lab doors slide open.  
He kept his head down, not wanting to make eye contact with whoever had just come in, in case they took it as an invitation to talk.  
Priya had never come back into the lab after she left but Mac supposed it could be her, or possibly even Matty trying to talk him into leaving again.  
Turns out, it was neither. 

By the time Mac realised it was Desi, from her tread and faint perfume, she had already reached his side.  
She spoke, and it seemed as if she was making an effort to keep her voice gentle.  
"Hey Mac, Matty said you've been staying in the lab till late and I'm worried about you."  
He was touched by Matty's concern, and he got why she told Desi, but it didn't mean he had to like it. He stayed silent. 

"Come on Mac, talk to me."  
He appreciated that she still cared about him, even after their breakup, but he just was not in the mood to talk right now.  
"At least look at me."  
He had nothing to say to her, or anyone really right now, so didn't give in to her ask.  
She put a hand on his shoulder and at her almost pleading tone, he finally looked up.  
“C’mon Mac. Let's just leave the lab and we can go somewhere and talk about it.”  
Her eyes were begging him to listen to her but behind that there was a genuine worry for him. 

He appreciated her concern, he really did, but he just was _not_ in the mood to sit down and confess everything that was going on in his mind to Desi. The two of them didn't do the emotional stuff well, so as great of a person she was, Mac knew that trying to have that conversation with her wouldn't be great and he wordlessly shook his head and turned back to his work. 

She stood there for a while longer and he could feel her gaze burning through the back of his head, but a few moments passed and lifting her hand, she walked away. Only when he heard the doors shut and was plunged back into the stillness of being the only one in the lab, did Mac relax his shoulders. 

He only had a minute or two of quiet however, before the doors opened again and Mac had to hold in a sigh. He should've figured that Matty's next move, after not being able to get through to him herself, was to send everyone else.  
He wondered who it was, and like before, realised it was Bozer a second before he put a hand on his shoulder.  
Mac found that he didn't find Bozer's presence as intrusive as Desi's because there had been many times in the past when Bozer had comforted him. It felt more natural.

Saying that however, he still wanted to be alone. 

“Whatever the thing you're destroying is, it doesn't look like it's from this century.”  
Mac wasn't surprised that Bozer had gone for the casual approach. He could go deep and have intense conversations as well, but Mac had known Bozer for long enough to know he liked to keep things light and breezy. 

Mac loved Bozer but he didn't have enough energy to try and act lighthearted and he definitely still didn't want to have an intense conversation with anyone so he chose the next best option: he didn't reply and kept on working.  
He heard Bozer let out a small sigh. 

"We're all just worried about you Mac."  
Well. He didn't keep up the casual act for very long.  
"I know it's pointless to try and convince you to leave -" _smart man_ "- but at least admit to yourself that whatever you're doing now is not a healthy way of dealing with all this."  
Yeah, he had recognized long ago it wasn't healthy, but that didn't mean he was going to stop.  
"When you're ready, I'll make you some of my world famous noodle soup, and we can talk it out." 

A sudden rush of affection swept over Mac, Bozer really was an incredible friend. He paused what he was doing and looked up at him.  
“Not now, but I'll take you up on that offer some time.”  
Bozer nodded and, that one sentence being the limit of his conversation for today, Mac turned back to the radio. 

Like Desi, Bozer stood there for a few more moments and Mac felt Bozer's gaze on him before he gave him a pat on the back. The opening then closing of the door let Mac know he was the only one in the lab again. 

Like before, a minute or two of silence lapsed before the door opened again. Mac immediately knew it was Riley because, as well as being the next logical person, he could just sense she was in the room with him. Usually he didn't mind her presence but, quite frankly, he just wanted to be alone right now. 

Sick of everyone coming and trying to talk to him, Mac was ready to rebuff whatever Riley said, but he _definitely_ wasn't prepared for her to wordlessly sit next to him and start helping with the radio.  
He looked up at her, slightly confused, but she kept her gaze on unscrewing the piece he had planned to tackle next.  
If it were anyone else, Mac would've told them to leave, but Riley was the one person who would actually be able to figure out what he was doing and help without him ever having to utter a word.  
He also found that her silent presence next to him was comforting so, not saying anything but knowing she’d understand that to mean she was welcome to stay, he turned back to the radio. 

Riley suddenly shuffled her chair closer to him so her shoulders and legs were pressed against his and Mac stilled, slightly surprised.  
Usually touches between them were hugs to reassure the other was okay in life threatening situations, or subtle hands on backs and arms to remind the other that they were there, but nothing as obvious as this. But as her warmth flowed from her arms and legs to his, he decided he didn't mind.  
She didn't say anything about it, neither did he, and they kept silently working. 

After a while Mac realised it was an inefficient way to work. He was constantly slowing down to make sure he didn't elbow her or accidentally stab her hand with his screwdriver, and he knew she was probably doing the same, but he didn't make any effort to move. He found himself feeling grateful that she didn't either.  
Mac found that Riley’s touch grounded him and while physically it wasn't the best way to work, it helped his mind stay in the moment and he appreciated that more than she could know. 

He wasn't sure how long he and Riley had worked until he was distracted by her trying to stifle a yawn. As much as he loved working with her by his side, he couldn't make her stay when she was clearly tired.  
"You should go home and get some sleep."

Mac almost flinched at the sharp look she gave him.  
"I'll go home when you go home."  
He was about to argue back but realised she could be just as stubborn as he was and, seeing that she was set on staying with him, decided not to say anything.  
She muttered 'smart choice' and went back to the radio.  
He stared at her.

From everyone who had checked up on him, Riley was the only one who hadn't tried to get him to talk and he knew, without a doubt, it wasn't some sort of tactic to try and get him to open up. She just wanted to offer him her silent company.  
But, _because_ she was the only one who did that, truly understanding him, and because he _had_ bottled this up for some time, Mac found that not only did he not mind talking to her, he actually wanted to as well. 

He turned back to the radio and thought of what to say.  
Should he start with the immense guilt he felt at both his aunt and father’s death or the pain that consumed him whenever he thought about it? Maybe he should tell her the nightmares he was having made it so he didn't want to even _try_ going to sleep, or possibly even letting her know that he was falling back into the bad habit of drinking his problems away? 

He was feeling exhausted, both physically and mentally, and the fight and energy leaving his body, he admitted in a whisper, “I just need to get out of my head, Riles.”

She immediately dropped what she was holding and tightly held his hands in both of hers. Her voice was gentle but strong.  
“I get that Mac, I get that it's hard to be alone with your thoughts right now, but I know that _you know_ that ignoring everything is _not_ the best way to deal with it.”

He couldn't look her in the eye while bearing his soul to her so kept his gaze on their joined hands.  
“Yeah, I know.”

She squeezed his hands.  
“Let's just go home okay?”  
He nodded and as she stood, ready to go, he turned slightly in his chair to face her.  
Mac didn't know whether it was the emptiness of the lab, the late hour, or simply the fact that he felt safe enough in Riley's presence to admit it, but he heard himself quietly whisper what had been looming in his head since his aunt died. 

“I have no more family left.”

Stricken grief flashed on her face and she rushed forward to pull him into a hug.  
In the vast coldness of the empty lab, Riley’s touch and scent was a warm cocoon and, face pressed into the softness of her shirt, he pulled himself into her as tightly as he could. 

His chest was tight and he tried to hold back a sob as the memories of his father and aunt’s last moments played through his head on repeat. He didn't deserve their sacrifice. 

Tears pricked his eyes but he didn't let them fall. He knew that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop.  
Every night, since his aunt’s death, whenever he went to close his eyes, hers and his father's last words echoed in his head and he couldn't stop seeing their faces. There was sorrow and pain in their eyes and if he did manage to go to sleep, those looks haunted his dreams.  
Riley gently started stroking his hair and that was it. Mac couldn't help it. 

He cried and cried. 

He cried for his father who he had just gotten back and the aunt he was only beginning to know. He cried for his mother who left his life far too soon and for his grandfather who had loved him and cared for him when he had no one else. He cried for Charlie who died right before his eyes and for Jill, an innocent who was only caught up in his mess.  
He cried for the wound in his heart which could never heal as everyone important in his life was constantly being ripped away. 

He wailed into Riley’s shirt and she gripped him tight, her touch being the only thing keeping him from completely drowning in his pain. Her arms around him and her comforting whispers, spoken through her own tears and against his hair, kept him safe. 

It seemed as though he was feeling all the pain, sorrow and loss he had bottled up for years and, only when he let it all out, did Mac’s cries quieten and his body slowly stop shaking. Even then, he stayed in Riley’s embrace. His body, heavy and weak, was still slightly trembling and he needed her arms to hold him together. 

It was only a while after that however, when he finally stilled, that he was ready to finally pull away from her, though he didn't want to let go of her touch just yet. He loosened his hands around her waist and she moved hers to his shoulders. He looked up into her red and puffy eyes and saw no pity, only his own sorrow and pain reflected in them. 

She rubbed her hands up and down his shoulders, comforting him, and when she spoke her voice was rough from crying.  
“Let's go home Mac.”  
He managed a small nod.  
She ran her hands down his arms and, after giving his hands a reassuring squeeze, let go.  
She turned to wipe her eyes and, grateful for a moment to try and compose himself, he wiped his own before turning the light off and they both left the lab. 

They walked a few steps before Mac felt Riley gently slip her hand into his. He tightly held back.  
He didn't think she realised just _how much_ she meant to him. 

Anyone else would be trying to talk to him right now and, even if it were just words of comfort, it would annoy him.  
But Riley just _got_ him.  
He definitely didn't want to talk right now, and he didn't want her to talk either. He just wanted to be in silence and not only did she somehow get that, she still found a way to tell him she was there for him without saying a word.  
He could feel her love and support, not only through her touch, but her general presence as well, and Mac had never loved her more. 

They got to the garage and, being in no mood to drive, he handed Riley the keys and after she squeezed his hand again, they both got into the car and headed off.  
Now that he had let go of her hand, he realised just how much of an anchor her touch was for him and although he had just let go, he found himself missing it.  
He knew that she definitely wouldn't mind holding his hand again but he was slightly annoyed at himself that he couldn't even go a few seconds without wanting her touch. 

His thoughts were pushed away by Riley’s quiet voice.  
“It's not the same thing, _I know it's not_ , but me, Bozer, Matty and Desi are your family too and we’ve got you,” and reaching out and grabbing his hand, she added, “ _I've_ got you.” 

Grateful for her reassuring touch again, he squeezed her hand, cleared his throat, and whispered in a raspy voice, “I know you do Riles.”  
And he did. He knew that no matter what happened around them or to them, she always had his back. She had proven that a hundred times over.  
She gave him a small smile then turned back to the road. He was glad she drove the rest of the way with one hand, never letting go of his. 

They walked in and after saying he wasn't hungry, they went to his room and Mac sat on his bed to take off his shoes. After a pause, Riley hesitantly spoke up from the doorway.  
“I can go now if you -” 

“Please don't leave.”

Mac was grateful that she immediately nodded and walked into the room.  
“I'm never leaving you Mac.”

It was a slightly cheesy response but he knew she meant it so had to smile, but that quickly went away as exhaustion made his body heavy and he admitted what else he needed.  
“I just need some sleep.”

It was a simple sentence but he hoped that she got that, if he was alone right now, his thoughts would take up his entire mind and then he _definitely_ wouldn't be able to sleep.  
He wanted her to stay with him.  
Her eyes studied him, not with a critical or judgemental gaze, but one filled with love and concern and, after a second or two, she nodded and he could just tell she got his unspoken message. 

Finally ready to try and get some sleep, Mac slipped under the covers, making sure to leave space for Riley.  
After taking off her shoes and turning the lights off, she joined him and propped herself up on his pillows. Her touch was like an anchor so, once she was settled, Mac shuffled closer and slept on his side with his forehead pressed against her thigh.  
She gently placed a hand on his head and as she started rubbing her thumb across his hair, he closed his eyes and absorbed her touch.

At the stillness in the room, Mac couldn't help as his mind wandered back to how both his aunt and dad had died to protect him. They had willingly, knowing there was no chance of them surviving, sacrificed themselves so that he could live.  
That in itself was enough pain to last him a decade but he couldn't help but think of his grandfather and mom again. His grandfather, who had raised him when his father went missing, didn’t show outward affection very much, but Mac had no doubt he loved him. And his mother. She had died so long ago, when he was 5, but the pain of losing everyone now was bringing up all the body numbing sorrow he had felt then.  
Mac’s mother, father, grandfather and aunt were gone. He had no siblings or other family members in his life.  
He was truly alone. 

Riley's touch reminded him that that wasn't exactly true but he needed to reinforce that so his intrusive thoughts would leave him alone.  
He would never dare do this with anyone else, but this was Riley.  
She had seen him at his best, and definitely at his worst, and earlier today he had realised just how safe he felt in her embrace.  
So when he felt the pain, guilt and tears creep up on him again, Mac lifted his head and rested it on her stomach. Wrapping his arms around her, he buried his face into her and letting her presence envelop him again, he felt those thoughts start to fade away.  
In response, Riley wrapped one arm around his back and started combing her fingers gently through his hair. The sob that was in his throat came out instead as a sigh and Mac felt himself relaxing. 

The exhaustion of the past few days finally caught up to him.  
With Riley’s fingers gently massaging his scalp, her other hand reassuringly holding him against her, and her general presence blanketing him in warmth, Mac, for the first time in a week, peacefully fell asleep.


End file.
